Blessings of maturity

Aging is a process which is often looked at with dismay, a feeling of nostalgia. I feel quite the other way round. I think that aging has its own glory, own merits and advantages.

I think we grow more as we age, because it gives us inner strength and calmness. A strength and calmness which is not available when the body is young, beautiful and vibrant with energy. But age too has its own beauty. If we don’t compare our looks with people half our age, or who are as pretty as flower, we will be quite content with our looks. And the lack of physical strength is compensated with inner strength.

The more we grow up properly, the more we learn to live and love life. Accepting life and human beings and their various sides. Knowing the golden truths of world. Thus creating true bliss for ourselves and those around us.

Some simple truth dawn on us with age …….

Like, we cant change the world, we have to change ourselve in harmony to it.

If we want to be truly happy we should make our surroundings happy. Otherwise our happiness wont last long.

If we cant forgive others for petty faults we make ourselve miserable not them. Because we all have faults and get accepted by others, so, if we don’t accept others, they too will refuse us and we will end up lonely and miserable.

The bigger our heart is, the greater chances are that we will live a content life. Because love is what makes the world go round. We may not get the love from the person we loved but sooner or later this tree starts to bear fruit and we get more than we need.

Love and friendship should be cherished like God’s gift. We don’t do a favour by loving someone, people show their beauty by loving us. So we should give it its true honour. This humility will shower more love on us.

Honesty and hard work always pays in the long run. The fruits of dishonesty or robbery are quickly plucked but are tasteless and decay soon.

BEAUTIFUL GESTURES

When I was a child I have been taught by my parents that we should say thank you to everyone who does some thing good to us and sorry when we do something bad to someone.

 

The same thing has been taught in schools I have learnt. I have personally added a few things to it, I think we all can practice it with the touch of heart, or else it will become a façade.

 

One, I always find out a quality in a person who has paid a compliment to me, if not then, I later pay him or her a compliment for his own virtues. Actually I like paying compliments voluntarily, and finding out qualities in people. I think by paying a person a compliment I spread a little harmless happiness. That’s a thing worth spreading to me. Not only that, if we make it a habit of finding virtues in others life becomes more pleasant for us and others. Recently a wonderful lady asked me why do we look for virtues in others and ignore our own virtues. After a little soul searching I thought, whatever the reason might be it increases love, feeling of security and trust in both hearts.

 

Two, if someone helps me; I certainly try to help him back. I either help him back in the same manner or some other. But , I never help anyone with hope of return, only a thank you is enough for me, a thank you from heart.

 

Three, if someone gifts me something, let it be a petty thing like a greeting card or pen, I always keep that in mind and when I am out shopping I don’t forget to buy something for him. I have seen that some people have a habit of gifting near and dear friends but they rarely get it back. I don’t know whether they mind or not, but may be somewhere deep down it hurts.

 

Four, showing a little consideration to elderly, fragile or people facing emergency. But I have gladly noted that people of Kolkata are very kind in this regard. Some grumble but finally they let them have their seat.

Bankimchandra

Not a very popular writer, if we count by the number of people who read his works and will admit anonymously that they love his work (people often call him their favourite in fear of being looked down upon).

 

I have picked up some odd writers because of my mother, who was an avid reader and had a uncommon taste. Bankimchandra is one of them. She just loved his works and so do I.

 

He was more like shakespeare, picking up the most exquisite words and painting a picture out of them. He was truly the emperor of classic bengali language.

 

I often feel awe struck, how could he use such exquisite word yet create fantastic novels and immemorable characters. Characters so real, like kundanandini or kapalkundala. Bhramar, Indira or Suryamukhi. Kapalkundala is my favourite character in fiction world.

 

The immense strength of character which this lady had I have never seen another lady with such strength of character. She embodied truth and honesty. Her fearless honesty is awe inspiring for any woman.

 

Just like I will never forget anandamath, durgeshnandini or bishabriksha… such fantastic usage of language yet such immemorable characters.

Swami Vivekananda

“Arise! Awake! And stop not till the goal is reached.” 

- Vivekananda

 

I sometimes feel really upset about my incapability in remembering birthdays of great people. Even if they are my heroes like swami Vivekananda. There are only two of them I remember clearly, Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose and of course Tagore. But even then I often forget on the date and these days, newspapers or media does not reminds us either. Gone are those sweet days when every newspaper announced the birthdays of these great personalities on the front page, now we keep track of day to day life of celebrities.

 

Swamiji was my type of hero. He dedicated his whole life for the well being of the deprived people. Left behind the legacy of Ram Krishna Mission. This still works tirelessly in the field.

 

His biography collected from internet: A spiritual genius of commanding intellect and power, Vivekananda crammed immense labor and achievement into his short life, 1863-1902 (6^th January, 1863 to July 4, 1902). Born in the Datta family of Calcutta, the youthful Vivekananda embraced the agnostic philosophies of the Western mind along with the worship of science.

 

At the same time, vehement in his desire to know the truth about God, he questioned people of holy reputation, asking them if they had seen God. He found such a person in Sri Ramakrishna, who became his teacher, allayed his doubts, gave him the vision of God, and transformed him into sage and prophet with authority to teach.

 

After Sri Ramakrishna's death, Vivekananda renounced the world and criss-crossed India as a wandering monk. His mounting compassion for India's people drove him to seek material help from the West. Accepting an opportunity to represent Hinduism at Chicago's Parliament of Religions in 1893, Vivekananda won instant celebrity in America and a ready forum for his spiritual teaching.

 

For three years he spread the Vedanta philosophy and religion in America and England and then returned to India to found the Ramakrishna Math and Mission. Exhorting his nation to spiritual greatness, he wakened India to a new national consciousness. He died July 4, 1902, after a second, much shorter sojourn in the West. His lectures and writings have been gathered into nine volumes.

 

Any one who wants to know a little more :

http://www.writespirit.net/authors/swami_vivekananda/biography-swami-vivekananda/

 

http://www.vivekananda.org/biography.asp

Aggressiveness

If we observe keenly we will sadly agree that modern world is of shoving and pushing. The more aggressive you are, the more mileage you will gain. Aggession and ruthlessness has become the mantra for success. Today the gentlemen are roughly pushed to back seat by less qualified or eligible go getters. The softer you are the worser nightmare your career life will become, no matter how capable you are if you cant fight tooth and nail for it, or opt for the “by hook or by crook” policy  you wont be able to make steady place.

 

There will be always a fear lurking in the corner that some one will grab your well deserved seat by some under the seat method.

 

If we see we will realize that its just the way the society is moving, it does not all of a sudden pops up its head once a person joins an office. Modern day children are brought up that way. Our parents used to teach us compassion, humility, affection. Today the children are taught to be competitive, ruthless, selfish. When they grow up they give the society the same. It does not have any connection with poverty, today the luxury in the life of common man is far more than it was twenty years ago.

 

We were taught by our parents that sharing never makes you poor, it makes you spiritually rich. The boys and girls who did not shared were called selfish, but today they are called smart.

 

 Some how the sharing tendency has changed to grabbing tendency. We have started to think mainly for only us, even our parents don’t fall in our private circle. We often take them as threat to our luxury too. We cant share our excess income with them, forget about bare necessities.

 

I have read in an article that its due to population explosion, a group of scientists have proved it with a group of rats in an confined enclosure. The more their numbers grew their aggression increased. If we study human society, we will see the same symptoms. There is an overeager ness for grabbing for things, which we may never need.

 

Say, for example, where is the problem in sharing our excess clothes or money with people who don’t have any? Is it necessary that we will have to make a postmortem or set up an enquiry committee to assess the worthiness of the stretched hand? How poor he really is, what does he does with the one rupee coin which we gave them or the rejected shirt we gave them? I remember the beautiful doha by rahim which meant those people who stretch their palm for favour are already dead, but those who refuse them are doubly so. They have died before them.

 

We are forgetting that every society moves together to get a goal. People bulldoze others in stampede or battlegrounds, not in a civilized society. If we turn away our face from the suffering of other peoples, burning down of their houses, our homes will not be saved either.

Love and trust

My best friend sent me an sms today, his sms said trust is greater than love and a lot more was added after that to prove the sentence right. I instantly agreed with that.

 

Trust is an necessary ingredient of lasting love. If you want a love to last, there should be a deep trust for the person you love.

 

If you cant trust a person, that love wont last for long, its funny, I always go by this. The friend of mine who sent it to me is one of those rare persons who instantly win trust. Even though we are net friends and have met only twice, yet since the first time I saw him an immense trust was formed, a deep faith which stayed ever since. He is one of those rare persons I can trust with my eyes closed.

 

Love is blind, wise people say that, that is why it needs the walking stick of trust. During all those yearning, quarrel, jealousy and possessiveness only trust can keep two young hearts together.

 

Matured age love usualy doesnot suffers these trials unless they are too passionate. After crossing the warmth of youth, people usually create relationship with trusted people, they first judge whether the person is trustworthy or not, then work toward the relationship. They know that time is too short to keep on experimenting with different types of people, they keep a few, very trusted persons close to their heart and love others unconditionally.

 

After earning wisdom people look for security and trust, they know that if we can trust a person, and feel secured with him, love will automatically burst forth like a fountain. Its just like the birdsong, the moment they feel the surity that sun is just below the horizon, the song bursts forth. Its just like the feeling of warmth that envelopes a cold traveller when he is turning the last turn to his home.

 

Whereas youth first creates relationships then tries to trust that person. As a result he suffers more than matured persons. Youth goes by the outer layering and tries to search the pearl inside that shell later. First he spends his time exploring the oyster, then only with time he ends up with or without the pearl.

 

One thing should always be kept in mind when pursuing any relationship. It can be the relationship with a mate, spouse or friend. That trust is the foundation of any and every true relationship. Its just like the soil, which holds the tree of our life together. Every thing else depends on it.

 

A weak grip of soil will bring down even the most strong and beautiful tree. It will uproot it at the first strong blow of wind. If the soil is poisoned it will poison the tree, in gist, the tree of love or life is fully dependent on soil of trust.

 

So, I think any one who is looking for lasting love, should first try to judge how much trust they have for each other, not passion or attraction.

A strange syndrome

Well, I have only one feeling toward politics .. I hate it. in my eyes it’s the greatest business in today’s world which reaps golden harvest without any investment or with the investment of sheer sweet nothings. So I observe the activities of politician completely without interest..

 

Lately it has started to appear that indian politicians have started to suffer from a clinical condition where the skin of a person becomes extremely thin.

 

First the incident of shashi tharoor, second the incident of the kerala cop who called rahul gandhi “our friend”.. every thing points towards it. I think rahul gandhi is very sincerely trying to prove it that he wants to bridge the gap between the true citizens of india (people who live in mud walled huts) and the would be prime minister of india. Though just like majority I too don’t like the way he ignores his safety. I have a deep trust that he will turn out to be a good prime minister and most probably he will do something for the deprived people of the country.

 

Now back to the clinical condition, as I don’t count rahul gandhi among one of my enemies.. I have nothing against the poor cop who called him “friend” I think that showed his sweetness.

 

Is it our dignity that gets hurt in these incidences or ego?

Love and affection

I think these two are two different feelings altogether, their base may be the same but then like the branches of the same tree they grow up quite differently from each other.

 

In this piece I am using love as romantic love, usually I use love in its wide meaning.. it envelops all the forms of affection.  But here I am talking about the love of mates, spouses and lovers.

 

We become a little choosier when we are looking for a mate I believe, there are a lot of things which we can easily ignore in others but not in our mates.

 

For example a lot of persons will accept an extremely poor person in a lot of other relationships but a loved mate or spouse. That poverty can be of look, intelligence, wisdom or style. One person may accept poverty of intelligence in mate while it can be unacceptable to another, this measurement stick varies from person to person. Let’s just take the example of intelligence. A person may live happily with an unintelligent mother, son, friend or relative happily but may not accept an unintelligent person as a spouse or mate. May rather prefer living a bachelor life than committing to an unintelligent person.

 

I too belong to this category, there are lots of thing which I will happily accept in anyone else but my mate. What is the mystery behind this I wonder!

 

We can lay our affection on everyone but when it comes to love we become choosy. May be it is the animal side of us, which looks for the best mate possible.

True friends

True friends are really rare these days, we have become so engrossed in pursuing our hectic lifestyles that we are sure losing this thing. We have colleagues, we have co passengers, we have booze buddies, we have neighbours and of course relatives. But do we have true friends? One of those people which our parents had till the last day of their life, or we had when we were in college? Who used to laugh with us when we laughed, cry with us when we cried and helped us to bunk the class and go out with our beloved? We knew our friends will always be there when the professor will scold us, he wont even try to be on his good book, or smirk at our humilliation. He will stand like a rock, his face showing as if he was also being scolded with us? I guess not, we have left that person back in college if we have moved out of our hometown and settled to some place other. Even if they are around, then too, that bonding is replaced with priorities at both ends. Some one is more involved with life, some one with love, some one with family and some one with career.

Our generation is a weird generation, our parents had bossom friends even at the ripe old age, but most of us have lost close friends ever since we left college. Those days, when we used to chat our heads off with a person, who used to listen to each and every word we spoke, and used to chat crazily in return having us as apt listener have been lost long ago.

I last had such a friend in 1996, after joining my first job. She was my last bossom friend but she was not of professional mindset, she got married within three months of joining the job and left india. Even though I have found a few good friends after that, but she was my last real life bossom body.

In contrast to common belief I have found some really good friends in internet, but in real life, they are rare. People say that net friends cant be trusted but my experience is different, I have found so many good friends via internet that it has taught me what real, unselfish friendship is. These friends trusted me, guided me, humored me and showered me with fabulous emails, brightening up my days. In the course of last four year or so I have picked up diamond after diamond on net. One of them is still in my life as a one of his own kind friend. Even though he doesnot believes it but his heart and character is made of pure gold. I have never seen such a person in my entire life. With such pure character and stable friendship.

In a pleasant turn, this year has filled up my arms with friends. The very best type of friends anyone can have. Now I have stopped counting their numbers because I am too busy with them.

The reason behind our not having flesh and blood friends is most probably our lack of faith in colleagues. As most of us relocate for job, like I have, we leave our college friends behind, and are too busy to make friends outside our office circle. So, we console ourselves with the superficial workplace friendships, where we have to watch our words, or else they may cost our jobs. That is one of the reason people cant be intimate with colleagues, because it may cost his or her career.

I don’t know about other people like me, who are completely engrossed in career life, and are as tactless as me, if they can always keep a watch on their tongue when they are out in the office. I cant so I end up regretting often mistaking a colleague as a friend, and miss those friends with whom I could be dead confident that I can say or do any thing.

The other drawback of office friends is when you change job mostly you lose them because they are too busy to keep contact with you. I have come in touch with some fabulous colleagues and have tried to maintain the contact with them, but all of them have drifted apart, and I have maintained my policy of life, the door of my heart is forever open to my friends, they can come and go at any time. They will never find some one locking or blocking their path.

Disillusions?

I have been born and brought up in a religious (not fanatic) family, a family with hundreds of years of holding various pujas perfectly at home. Not the puja which every hindu holds at the home altar, but the pujas which are performed on specific dates..durgapuja, kalipuja, lakshmipuja, saraswatipuja etc.

My ancestral home number 1 has atleast a dozen temples still maintained by my family through our priests. Being born in such a family, very naturally I had a deep attraction for God. And I admit without least embarassment that my being depends on God.

I simply love the atmosphere which says something holy. I feel a deep attraction toward it.

I have a marvellous friend, Girish, a couple of years ago he manipulated me into doing meditation, I do it as per my own rules, and he is quite aghast about that. But, the thing which I noted within a few weeks of starting it that an old sensation was coming back to me, a deep feeling at the junction point of both eyebrows. As if there is some pressure. Girish was quite impressed by that.

Then I read during my medical transcription course that one of the sinuses is located exactly at that place.

What a disillusionment!!!

Rainy days

The time of year, which is a little too long for west bengal or any other coastal region but still is charming.

Those drops pouring down from above, soothing every thing they touch. It’s a great fun for homebirds like me. To stand at the window and watch them pouring down. Specially after the scorching heat which we faced this year.

Every thing transforms with them, the trees become greener, small sprouts start to shoot up every where, vines start to grow in a grat speed and their dazzling, fresh green colour is too much soothing to the eyes.

I just loved to see those pearldrops coming down on vibrant green grass and bushes, trees.

Additional benefits are always there, the coolness enveloping our bodies after scorching heat.

unsung songs

Friends, people who fill up our lonely hours, who act as wind beneath our wings and the people we mostly neglect. We miss them and regret this fact when we have parted our ways, not out of dislikation, out of priorities..

When I look back, I think about some of them with deepest affection. Even though I rarely mixed with men before my thirties, I humbly admit most of these are men I met after crossing my thirties.

First person who comes into my mind is steve, an angel without wings from chicago, who completely changed my life by becoming my mentor.

Four more fabulous friends from the same time, ashish, madhavan, pradeep and girish.. they have acted like wind beneath my wings for years. Two of them are still my friends.

Three guys I met while I was working in a circus (a corporate office run by a drama queen) who taught me that worst environment doesnot kills a man’s soul Wriju, Rohit and Adnan.

The next guy, though he is 11 years junior than me, I can open heartedly admit that I almost adore him. He is ideal human being and boss in my eyes. He brought up my nerves from ashes after leaving drama queen and made me a human being again.. shubhadeep. Wherever he is my heart and soul blessings are, were and will be always with him.

Fortunately now I have dozens of fantastic friends under one roof. And most of them are girls… ladies, these women has changed my point of view about women and convinced me that women can be the very best friends of women. But there are guys too, who are equally fantastic. I just dote after them. they mean too much to me.

Borrowed things

Happiness purchased on borrowed resources never last. This is a golden truth of life.

I have often heard a proverb in my childhood, don’t wear other people’s jewelleries.. if you get attached to them you will hurt yourself. If you lose them you will hurt yourself.

So very true, it is specially reflected in today’s credit card age. I really feel pity for those who borrow money and double pity for those who get attached to borrowed luxury.

Where have those days gone when the lady of the house used to pin point at the beginning of month how much money should go to which account? And she used to follow that to the core.

I still prefer that lifestyle. Save money and then buy the things. Today we both work in good posts and bought a flat on borrowed money, massive instalments due every month.. then job market goes down and one loses job.. the creditors start to humilliate out on the street..

Its far better to spread one’s leg to the limit which the spread covers it.

Its not that the people of our earlier generations did not built their homes, they did, but ten years later than we do. But by their own money. Without the fear of being haunted by creditors.

Second thanks

I have truly admired ambumani ramadoss since the day he banned smoking in public places, not that it stopped it, but it showed he cared.

Second thing I loved about him was his earnest attempt to revoke the unfair treatment of people who love people of same gender. It was widely criticized but his seed has become a tree. Finally indian government has taken this too much needed step of treating normal citizens as normal citizens. Keeping my fingers crossed that it wont be revoked. My best wishes for these harmless, normal human beings who have been unfairly mistreated for years and famillies have ruined because of an unfair law.

Supported with best wishes.

poisoned daggers w/out sheath

in our life we will meet two types of people, one who are not shy to show their real face to the world..if they are good they wear it on their sleeves, if they are bad then too they wear it on their sleeves.

The second type are the tricky ones, the ones I really don’t feel safe with, people who hide their evil nature by extreme sweetness. And often mimic good people (or semi angels) to the perfection to have their ways. Have seen ample amount of these people, and the moment I recognize them I instantly withdraw from them (by the means of heart).

easy fame

When I was a child I used to get shocked when a group of writers used to thrive on criticising tagore and his personal life with a necrophilliac glee. they used to criticise his works, his personal life everything about it with the joy with which zombies feast on corpses. ignoring the horror on the faces of normal human beings.

Even in my childhood I used to get shocked that how could they be so cheap to criticize a writer’s personal life, even years after he has departed (without being asked for). Even then I knew, if we have any right on a celebrity.."if".. its on his works, we may criticise it (though i would rather prefer to present the improved version instead of criticising others)... not his personal life.

I remember my hot favourite tennis player (all time) who is coincidentally homosexual. I once said to someone that she is my favourite, and the first comment I heard was she is ugly and homosexual. I patly replied that as she is not my would be daughter in law I don’t have any thing to do with her personal life. I still respect that player with all my heart and always will. She is my dream sportslady.

Now after Michael Jackson is finally resting in peace, another group of necrophilliacs are out at job.

Do they sleep blissfully at night?

Ten promises to myself:

One, always love and forgive myself. Try to forgive others, and if I cant, be indifferent after extracting the lesson.

Two, neither bulldoze someone, nor let anyone do that. God has given every one enough capacity to handle his life, we can help others by suggesting.. that’s it.

Three, always treat myself like queen and others too (unless they make me change my mind).

Four, always find out some time in day to listen to my favourite songs.

Five, to enjoy, appreciate nature, and thank God for blessing me with this beautiful planet.

Six, always read something which will bring some smile to my lips.. jokes, cartoons any thing.

Seven, always start counting my blessings when my soul is trying to suck me downwards.

Eight, never fail to leave some encouragement for those who are feeling down.

Nine, to love without judging. Simply love, hold affection or compassion.. but whatever I do, should do it without judgment or with least judgment.

Ten, forever remember we all have only one life, and all have their share of problem. Try not to increase the problems of others, and never let them increase mine.

trust

On one hand they say
“trust everyone even if they put you down”

then they say
“if a person fools you once its his fault, if he fools you twice, its your FAULT.”

Being born and brought up amongst self contradictory phillosophies I took the path best for me, listening to myself, to my own soul and then others.

Trusting a person is good for a healthy life, but too much trust can be toxic. If a person lets down your trust too much, too many times its better to let that person go. No matter how indispensable that person is. He should go.

His intentions may be harmless, but the fact is his presence is toxic to you, you can point out his way once, twice but how many times will you say, “you are hurting me” without feeling guilty? Its better to move over.

Later when we look back at these relationships we thank ourselve for moving on.

After we all have but one life, why waste it among people who are toxic for us?

A ghost story

My ancestral home is in a remote village, where electricity has reached only a couple of years ago. My ancestors were jamindars of that village and a few adjoining villages. Our home is just beside Damodar river, its partially in ruins and a small portion, which was earlier the courtroom of my ancestors is still in good condition, where we used to go every durga puja and kali puja.

During durga puja the place is full of people, we take generators with us and the entire place is lighted up, but during the kali puja the place is exactly the opposite. There are very few people there, only a very limited no of villagers who have the energy of attending the full night affair and a couple of family member. At the max seven or eight people, including the family members stay there through out the night and another half a dozen who are indispensable part of the Puja.

There are two seats, one seat on either side of our main entrance, seats which play the role of musical chair during the puja, but were free for all now. One of the seat faces and the other had its back towards a bedi, where our ancestors have performed tantrik rituals and one of them even got siddhi. According to the villagers our ancestral home is safe for the people of our family, but outsiders often meet a lady dressed in white colured, red bordered saree, who disappears all of a sudden. She is seen especially if some one commits some mischief there. That is why the place is deserted at night.

That year I went there with my uncle and my brother. I attended the puja but when the animal sacrifice started I left the puja mandap. I had the idea of lying down on the verandah of our house, to give myself a break after fasting the entire day, it was almost 3 AM in the morning, I was lying there exhausted when all of a sudden I heard sounds coming from inside the locked room. As if some one was banging the furnitures with a stick or some thing like that, a chill ran down my spine and I bolted from there, I went outside to sit on that seat, which had its back to the bedi. Actually I was thinking of lying down, when all of a sudden I heard a sound like some one has dropped some thing, right behind my back, I slowly turned back and saw nothing. I was weak from fasting the entire day, it was almost 3:30 in the morning, and I prayed that I heard it wrong, but then it was repeated again, then I went to the seat of the opposite side facing the bedi, to know what’s going on before bolting again.

Then to my utter amusement and relief I saw that the people of Burdwan were celebrating the diwali, and the sound of their cracker was reaching our small village after crossing damodar and its sand bank like nothing is in between.