Love and trust

My best friend sent me an sms today, his sms said trust is greater than love and a lot more was added after that to prove the sentence right. I instantly agreed with that.

 

Trust is an necessary ingredient of lasting love. If you want a love to last, there should be a deep trust for the person you love.

 

If you cant trust a person, that love wont last for long, its funny, I always go by this. The friend of mine who sent it to me is one of those rare persons who instantly win trust. Even though we are net friends and have met only twice, yet since the first time I saw him an immense trust was formed, a deep faith which stayed ever since. He is one of those rare persons I can trust with my eyes closed.

 

Love is blind, wise people say that, that is why it needs the walking stick of trust. During all those yearning, quarrel, jealousy and possessiveness only trust can keep two young hearts together.

 

Matured age love usualy doesnot suffers these trials unless they are too passionate. After crossing the warmth of youth, people usually create relationship with trusted people, they first judge whether the person is trustworthy or not, then work toward the relationship. They know that time is too short to keep on experimenting with different types of people, they keep a few, very trusted persons close to their heart and love others unconditionally.

 

After earning wisdom people look for security and trust, they know that if we can trust a person, and feel secured with him, love will automatically burst forth like a fountain. Its just like the birdsong, the moment they feel the surity that sun is just below the horizon, the song bursts forth. Its just like the feeling of warmth that envelopes a cold traveller when he is turning the last turn to his home.

 

Whereas youth first creates relationships then tries to trust that person. As a result he suffers more than matured persons. Youth goes by the outer layering and tries to search the pearl inside that shell later. First he spends his time exploring the oyster, then only with time he ends up with or without the pearl.

 

One thing should always be kept in mind when pursuing any relationship. It can be the relationship with a mate, spouse or friend. That trust is the foundation of any and every true relationship. Its just like the soil, which holds the tree of our life together. Every thing else depends on it.

 

A weak grip of soil will bring down even the most strong and beautiful tree. It will uproot it at the first strong blow of wind. If the soil is poisoned it will poison the tree, in gist, the tree of love or life is fully dependent on soil of trust.

 

So, I think any one who is looking for lasting love, should first try to judge how much trust they have for each other, not passion or attraction.

A strange syndrome

Well, I have only one feeling toward politics .. I hate it. in my eyes it’s the greatest business in today’s world which reaps golden harvest without any investment or with the investment of sheer sweet nothings. So I observe the activities of politician completely without interest..

 

Lately it has started to appear that indian politicians have started to suffer from a clinical condition where the skin of a person becomes extremely thin.

 

First the incident of shashi tharoor, second the incident of the kerala cop who called rahul gandhi “our friend”.. every thing points towards it. I think rahul gandhi is very sincerely trying to prove it that he wants to bridge the gap between the true citizens of india (people who live in mud walled huts) and the would be prime minister of india. Though just like majority I too don’t like the way he ignores his safety. I have a deep trust that he will turn out to be a good prime minister and most probably he will do something for the deprived people of the country.

 

Now back to the clinical condition, as I don’t count rahul gandhi among one of my enemies.. I have nothing against the poor cop who called him “friend” I think that showed his sweetness.

 

Is it our dignity that gets hurt in these incidences or ego?

Love and affection

I think these two are two different feelings altogether, their base may be the same but then like the branches of the same tree they grow up quite differently from each other.

 

In this piece I am using love as romantic love, usually I use love in its wide meaning.. it envelops all the forms of affection.  But here I am talking about the love of mates, spouses and lovers.

 

We become a little choosier when we are looking for a mate I believe, there are a lot of things which we can easily ignore in others but not in our mates.

 

For example a lot of persons will accept an extremely poor person in a lot of other relationships but a loved mate or spouse. That poverty can be of look, intelligence, wisdom or style. One person may accept poverty of intelligence in mate while it can be unacceptable to another, this measurement stick varies from person to person. Let’s just take the example of intelligence. A person may live happily with an unintelligent mother, son, friend or relative happily but may not accept an unintelligent person as a spouse or mate. May rather prefer living a bachelor life than committing to an unintelligent person.

 

I too belong to this category, there are lots of thing which I will happily accept in anyone else but my mate. What is the mystery behind this I wonder!

 

We can lay our affection on everyone but when it comes to love we become choosy. May be it is the animal side of us, which looks for the best mate possible.

Love and money

People often say that money is an important part of life. They often go ahead and preach that once love comes down to harsh reality of daily grind all sweetness evaporates.

 

Is that the truth? If two persons love each other and are completely compatible to each other then their love will survive everything.. I personally believe it from my heart.

 

Of course that love will have to be genuine, deep and mutual. Otherwise the love really will not last the grinds of reality. Then again, how many of the love affairs stand the grind of reality?

 

When I search my own soul the answer is always same, money is not the foundation of successful relationships. Say suppose if I had two choice, one is a person who is rich but does not matches my expectations for a soulmate; the other one is ordinary but compatible to my soul I will pick the second one up without least hesitation.

 

I have seen all colours of life, and after that I have started to believe that money may be need of life, but not essence. Its just the gravy of life, the meat is happiness and satisfaction. So if you are happy and satisfied with a relationship money rarely counts.

Love and looks

It’s a normal human tendency to be attracted to outward covering, a fancy from which I have been luckily spared. Most probably because I am not good looking myself, and have heard too many criticism since childhood. I have stopped judging people by their looks and started to search for inner values.

 

When I mingle with a person I always look for compatibility and then his strength of character. I think these two are more vital for a lasting relationship than bank balance, looks or other things.

 

The same rules apply in case of love too. If I ever take a fancy on a person his looks or money never counts in factors. I count on more dangerous things, nature, character, compatibility…

 

I can understand that its easy to match the criteria of others than mine. I think I am more choosy than them, and my conditions are tougher. Its easy to find a person who looks as good as brad pitt, but to find a person of good character, perfect compatibility is tougher, and equally tough is making them fall in love with you.

 

Hence I cant make up my mind whether or not I will tell others to ignore looks and bank balance. I think we all have our priorities and my priority is soul and personality.

A beautiful bond called friendship

A beautiful bond called friendship, is one of the purest and unselfish bond which binds two human hearts together. A bond praised by even angels. A relationship admired by human beings for centuries. Which brings together two complete strangers and tie them together with a bond deeper than love or affection.

When we love we seek the pleasure of the physical companionship of our mate, his closeness, his loving, his companionship.

When we love our parents we hope for their guidance, their protection and other helps.

When we love our children we hope their affection and patience with us when we are old.

Somehow our own happiness gets mingled with theirs to form a complete relationship. But when we share affection with our friends all we need is a little time and place from their life. Our expectation starts and ends there. We stay content with whatever we get, never complain.

We always back off when our friend is chasing his priorities, his love, his family duties or career, we back without complain. We never demand any thing from him.

Next time when any of your relationship loses all its colour and splendour, don’t bid it goodbye, mould it into friendship and see the difference, the only requirement is both will have to be willing to do so.

True friends

True friends are really rare these days, we have become so engrossed in pursuing our hectic lifestyles that we are sure losing this thing. We have colleagues, we have co passengers, we have booze buddies, we have neighbours and of course relatives. But do we have true friends? One of those people which our parents had till the last day of their life, or we had when we were in college? Who used to laugh with us when we laughed, cry with us when we cried and helped us to bunk the class and go out with our beloved? We knew our friends will always be there when the professor will scold us, he wont even try to be on his good book, or smirk at our humilliation. He will stand like a rock, his face showing as if he was also being scolded with us? I guess not, we have left that person back in college if we have moved out of our hometown and settled to some place other. Even if they are around, then too, that bonding is replaced with priorities at both ends. Some one is more involved with life, some one with love, some one with family and some one with career.

Our generation is a weird generation, our parents had bossom friends even at the ripe old age, but most of us have lost close friends ever since we left college. Those days, when we used to chat our heads off with a person, who used to listen to each and every word we spoke, and used to chat crazily in return having us as apt listener have been lost long ago.

I last had such a friend in 1996, after joining my first job. She was my last bossom friend but she was not of professional mindset, she got married within three months of joining the job and left india. Even though I have found a few good friends after that, but she was my last real life bossom body.

In contrast to common belief I have found some really good friends in internet, but in real life, they are rare. People say that net friends cant be trusted but my experience is different, I have found so many good friends via internet that it has taught me what real, unselfish friendship is. These friends trusted me, guided me, humored me and showered me with fabulous emails, brightening up my days. In the course of last four year or so I have picked up diamond after diamond on net. One of them is still in my life as a one of his own kind friend. Even though he doesnot believes it but his heart and character is made of pure gold. I have never seen such a person in my entire life. With such pure character and stable friendship.

In a pleasant turn, this year has filled up my arms with friends. The very best type of friends anyone can have. Now I have stopped counting their numbers because I am too busy with them.

The reason behind our not having flesh and blood friends is most probably our lack of faith in colleagues. As most of us relocate for job, like I have, we leave our college friends behind, and are too busy to make friends outside our office circle. So, we console ourselves with the superficial workplace friendships, where we have to watch our words, or else they may cost our jobs. That is one of the reason people cant be intimate with colleagues, because it may cost his or her career.

I don’t know about other people like me, who are completely engrossed in career life, and are as tactless as me, if they can always keep a watch on their tongue when they are out in the office. I cant so I end up regretting often mistaking a colleague as a friend, and miss those friends with whom I could be dead confident that I can say or do any thing.

The other drawback of office friends is when you change job mostly you lose them because they are too busy to keep contact with you. I have come in touch with some fabulous colleagues and have tried to maintain the contact with them, but all of them have drifted apart, and I have maintained my policy of life, the door of my heart is forever open to my friends, they can come and go at any time. They will never find some one locking or blocking their path.